My life snatched away

It has been a few days since writing. Life gets in the way sometimes. Two children, Christmas coming up, Bingo night at school, baking, housework, appointments and family issues (extended family members). I need to start prioritising my writing. This is for ME!

My brother and I started living with my grandparents on a more permanent basis from when I was about 5 years old. I remember the time spent in the garden and helping my Oma (Grandmother) in the kitchen. I absolutely loved the pink house we lived in at that time. We had a lovely big tree in the front garden, and I loved hiding underneath it. My Opa (Grandad) had bushes with berries growing in the back garden. I always looked forward to picking berries and eating them before I managed to get into the kitchen to bring some to my Oma. It was fun, and I felt happy. I felt safe. My grandparents were very strict in many ways, but I felt loved. I had structure and routine. My grandparents lived in Wuppertal (Germany) by then, and my Mama (Mother) continued to live in Lage. Wuppertal is 86 miles from Lage, so there was quite a distance between my Mama and me. I don’t remember missing her much, but that could be due to never having formed an attachment to her. My Mama used to come and visit us with my brother’s father, and I always looked forward to the visits.

I started school when I was six, and that’s when I started to realize that my living situation was different from the other children. Everyone used to talk about their mothers and fathers. They asked me why I wasn’t living with my parents. I didn’t have the answers, and when I asked my grandparents, they just said that my Mama was poorly and couldn’t look after us. I looked for signs of illness when my Mama visited, but I couldn’t see any illness. Life continued like this for a while, and even though I had questions that weren’t quite answered, I continued to be happy, made friends in school, picked berries, and helped my Oma in the kitchen. Until the day everything changed.

It was a normal start to the day, being woken and asked to get dressed. I came down for breakfast, and my grandparents explained that I was not going to school that day. Instead, my brother and I would have a day out with just my grandad. I remember being so excited that I didn’t think to ask why. We left early, and my grandad took us into town. I don’t remember exactly what we were doing, but I remember him taking us to McDonald’s for tea. This was a very special treat for us, as my grandparents very rarely took us to McDonald’s. It was a very rare treat, and I felt like the luckiest little girl alive with the best grandparents anyone could wish for. However, we were greeted with bad news by my Oma when we returned home.

I will never forget the look on my grandparents’ faces as they spoke to me. These words will haunt me for the rest of my life! “You will not go to school tomorrow because a lady will come and take you away from us,” were the words I will never forget from my Opa. It didn’t make sense. I asked why while crying uncontrollably. All that was said was that we had to be brave and do what the lady said. “Be good,” was said to me. Hadn’t I been good? Did I do something wrong? What can I do to stop the lady from taking us? Nothing, absolutely nothing. I was 6 years old and nothing made sense. My grandparents also explained that the lady came that day to collect us, which was the reason my Opa spent the day in town with us. They would get into trouble if they couldn’t collect us the following day.

I don’t remember anything that happened after that. Not a single thing. I don’t remember the lady from social services taking my brother and me from my grandparents. I wasn’t even told that she was someone from social services. To me, she was just the lady who took us away from my grandparents. All I do remember was that I felt scared, anxious, and angry. Why would my grandparents let this stranger take us? Why didn’t they hide us? Why was she even coming? None of this was answered until much later in my life.

The next memory is life in care, but I will leave this for next time……….